Love Invades

Your love invades

I’m amazed, at all the ways You love me

Like the stars, too numerous to claim

You shine so very far

Oh, love invade

Uncontained, surround me in the morning

Like the dawn, too luminous to gaze

I yield to who You are

’Cause there is no denying You

Here we go....

After everything I saw/experienced last weekend, I feel like describing everything in terms of a journey reflects much of the reality of our walk with Christ. All that we experience, from feeling unshakable in Him, supremely motivated to work for Him, and reverent of His Glory, to when we fall away, reject Him, fight for ourselves, strain to escape our responsibilities, and ignore His call, all fit into this grand story of our lives, this journey of how we figure out seeing God in all things . This "packaging" helps us understand and deal with everything we see in our lives, but ultimately, we can't constrain much, if anything at all, about our God. Maybe one day I'll find a better metaphor, but for now, this journey to draw closer to the God I need will be told right here. Here we go.....

Beginnings

I don't want to spend lots of time here, mostly because there's so much else write after this. Suffice it to say, that I really understood what it meant to be in Christ around 2000, when I was 11, and in the seventh grade. Like most people, I had cycles of being truly committed to Him; this continued until I left high school for college. I never joined a church or community once I got to Austin, and fell much further away from Him. I dated a girl from Katy the first two years I was here. I can't comment on her true level of commitment to God for several reasons, but I wasn't worshiping Him, praying to Him, or living any sort of life for Him. We grew apart, and separated just before my next year, and that's where I began to pursue more of my own desires. The particulars aren't relevant here, but it was sin of all kinds. But I knew that I wasn't really happy. I remembered how it felt the first time I realized how deeply I needed Him, and how comforting it was that He actually loved me. I wrote in a notebook, promising to come back. And I meant it sincerely, but I fell flat. Again. But what I had learned here would prepare me for what's to come.

Desires and Realizations

Ironically, what brought me to an Amy's after some capture the flag, and these beginnings of a renewed journey, was my desire to have community. My idea of community wasn't one with Christ in the picture, but, of course, He has much better ideas. As I was conversing with Rebecca, Collyn and Chris, the differences in their approaches to life struck me. Chris is agnostic, and admits to living a life like so. Here I am, having a great struggle to define just who I want to be, the choice I'm making as Chris, and Rebecca and Collyn as the choice I used to be. The conversation keeps hitting me, over and over, about who I should be: man of the world vs. God's servant. It's thanks to those two that I saw where I needed to be. And really, there's no comparison. I left more confident that I can pursue Him in community, that He wants me to come back. I went to Austin Stone the next Sunday at nine. Immediately, I get hit with the one thing that I couldn't do before; go. Evangelize. But surprisingly, it didn't make me back away again. One thing I had learned from when I tried to come back the first time, was that He was calling me to be the support for others that I had never really experienced much of in my church life. All that time I spent away from Him was ultimately to be used for His glory somehow. I knew that He wanted me to keep people from walking the same path I had. I got to live part of that just two weeks later.

Echo Retreat: The Lead-In

Coming here, I knew three people. Daniel Cory, Rebecca, and Collyn. I had met Keith, and some others, before this, but only for a few minutes. Usually, I'd be terrified; social rejection, what I perceived as church abandonment, my stuttering, and other things that I couldn't handle in the past always seemed to prevent me from doing the right things. But I signed up, and drove myself there. Had an awkward party the first night up to group breakouts, but I was able to share a little. Then I met Reese, and played some guitar with him. I felt more comfortable after that, but still a little outside-looking-in. I wouldn't realize it until later, but Brett would have the biggest role in changing me on this retreat. I didn't know what to make of his campfire story, but I felt the sting of the interruption to it. I wish I would have talked to him about it, but I didn't realize why he was telling the story, so I kept to myself. Know that I think I know what he was seeking, it makes the later events all the more powerful.

Echo Retreat: Synthesis

Fast forward to Saturday night, when John Allert spoke. He talked about 5 ways we must live out the Gospel, but it's the second that echoes throughout this part of my journey so far. It moved me to, away from, and now, back into His care. This experience in community, having others that really know who you are, and giving them power to correct you and guide you; all that I desired before but could never find in the confines of the world apart from Him, and how He wanted me to give that to others pushed me to give in, surrender, and let Him strengthen me for His work. And immediately, He gave me the opportunity to put it into practice. Before I go on: One other thing we talked about was the men that we wanted to be, and the things that were holding us back. We concluded with the challenge to think about ways you can live your life to reflect what you believe. As I was leaving the barn where we had the talk, I turned back and saw Brett sitting still on the mat. I didn't think much at first, but I noticed others stopping, and kneeling by him. I stopped, and knew that I had to be there for him too. One of the things I struggle with is focus and clarity in my efforts to pray, read and learn. But then, with my hand on Brett, I prayed non-stop and on focus for more than five minutes. Shukri came over, and we listened and conversed with Brett about how he wasn't anything like the things that he wants to be; I talked about how God knows our brokenness, that our frame is but dust, and all the mountains Brett felt he had to climb, Christ has conquered already. And it all comes back to community: I was sitting across from Brett not ten minutes before that, and I was thinking about how encouraged I was just being around men like Brett that have such strength in Christ, much more than I do, but in the end, it's about helping each other. Just as God constantly reminds us of his promises to encourage us, we must encourage each other.

New Community

Through all this process, I'm relearning all I lost when I went astray. I'm thankful for everyone at Echo, and how supportive they've been, often times without even knowing it. His love does invade, and I'm praying to have the only appropriate response: surrender. I'm glad to at least know part of His call in my life, and the rest, He'll show me. But for now, I'm going to give all that I am away.

Here we go, here we go

We believe it, here we go

Raise your voice now, and sing it

For love, for love, we will praise